Music saved me. It helped me escape a toxic relationship filled with abuse, infidelity and a type of loss only women know. It wasn’t always this way, it took me quite some time to find my true voice, to find out who I really am, but I wouldn’t be where I am today without music.
I was born and raised in a small town just outside of Philadelphia and have always had big eyes for the city. When I was 12 years old, my parents divorced and from that point forward I took on the responsibilities of an adult, essentially parenting my three brothers while mine weren’t around. The more adult responsibilities I was given, the more I strived to be one, but I was only a teenager. My rebel-without-a-cause-attitude got the best of me and I began to act out.
The seven years that followed were a strong cocktail of self-sabotage and suppression. I spent four nights a week clubbing in NYC while maintaining a job in fashion. Although I had “made it,” I was unhappy — fighting to forget and struggling to move forward.
My reset began when I woke up after a night of partying and realized I could not sing. I was shaken to my core because I had always been able to sing with ease. I suddenly knew that if my lifestyle didn’t change I would lose the thing that matters to me most. My voice.
From that moment forward, I started taking baby steps toward an empowered life. With the help of alternative medicine and a woman named Jeanie who was equal parts psychiatrist and Reiki healer, I learned to love myself again. I drove from NYC to PA, often times bi-weekly to see Jeanie. She helped me identify the lies I was telling myself.
I needed the external help for a while but eventually, I learned about the multitude of ways to empower oneself. Jeanie introduced me to meditation and it awakened me to my life purpose. The little voice inside of me got louder and louder proclaiming, “You’re a singer! You’re a musician!” so I moved to California to pursue it.
I wrote and recorded a seven-song album titled, “If You Don’t Holler, No One Will Hear” documenting the trials and tribulations of my teenage years. Re-living my past memories was hard but it helped me heal.
I got to paint the picture of my past with words and music. Being able to sing, scream, jump around and express the emotions I have been holding onto for years was everything that I needed. It made me see and believe in the power of artistic expression on a whole other level.
Writing and performing this album along with practicing meditation on a regular basis has led to the most profound self-healing of my entire life. I no longer identify myself as the girl that all of these bad things happened to. My story now lives in my music and not in my mind and for this, I am eternally grateful.