After having my baby and divorcing right after, I felt overweight and unattractive. I hid in leftover maternity wear and caftans.
In some way, I felt maybe I deserved my divorce because I didn’t shed the baby weight fast enough, as if that made me unlovable.
I ended up losing most of the weight but I was still dressing like a frumpy stay-at-home mom, not the rock-and-roll stylist I once was. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to dress that way anymore because I was a “mom” now. Moms aren’t supposed to be sexy. Then I met a new friend in mommy group, and even though she had two kids, she was wearing cool and wild fashions. Seeing that made me realize there was room to be your old self after motherhood.
I started with the first layer of clothing that goes on your skin. I went to a fancy designer lingerie shop and tried everything on. I realized that even with my post-pregnancy mom bod, I could still be hot and sexy. Seeing myself in that lingerie with a glass of pink champagne in hand made me remember the girl I used to be before child and divorce left me feeling so insecure. That’s when I decided to reset my limiting beliefs about body type and being a mother. There was no more room for self-hatred and self-doubt. That’s not how I wanted my son to see me.
After the lingerie shop experience. I cleaned out my closet. The maternity clothing, nursing bras and hospital panties were the first to go. Then I got rid of all the large fabric drapery I was hiding behind. My body may never be what it was, but it’s mine and I’ve decided to flaunt what my mama gave me.
I started doing pilates instead of crazy crash fad diets. It made my size eight body tighter and longer but most importantly it made me feel good. I stand up straight and proud.
The last thing I did was go shopping, of course. I slowly built up a new wardrobe that reflected the woman I am today. Yes, I’m a single mom, but I’m many other things too. I may not be the braless wild girl of my youth covered in glitter, but she’s still in there, part of me. Sometimes I throw on a leopard coat and some stiletto boots and hit the town with my girlfriends. I feel amazing and that, I think, makes me an even better mom.
And I still do love to rock a caftan if the occasion is right.