Ghosting has been around longer than the term. And it’s more and more common to be ghosted by a boyfriend or even a husband. It’s crazy that someone could walk away from someone they’ve been in a long-term relationship with or were even married to, but it happens every day.
How does one wind up here? Are there red flags? As a matchmaker, clients come to me after their fiancées ghost them. What gives? It’s so weird and there is no closure, so most people can’t relate. But parents ghost, or walk out on, children and families and even friends ghost each other, but there are ways to cope.
- Were You Abandoned Before? If so, get therapy if there is a pattern. I am not a therapist, but I am sure you will overreact to ghosting and it can trigger your abandonment fears and transport you back to your childhood. You get stuck, depressed and paralyzed with fear leading to a downward spiral that is hard to climb out of for lack of closure alone. You need to know it’s not you. Talk over red flags, and be reassured it’s not your fate, and you will be fine.
- There’s Nothing Wrong With You Everything is wrong with them. It’s hard to realize this when people are telling you that you need therapy. Dump these people. Just remember, all of us question and ruminate when something without closure just rips us open and exposes all of our vulnerabilities.
- You Won’t Get Closure They aren’t locked in the hospital with amnesia. They haven’t been kidnapped. Nothing unusual is going on then this is straight up abnormal behavior on their part. They chose to do this which is a form of abuse. You have normal behavior and need to grieve what you thought you had and then move on.
- Keep It To Yourself Don’t tell your new dates about your three-year relationship that ended it with the person ghosting you. You are already judging yourself and feeling down on yourself. Don’t let them wonder what happened and judge you for it because you are ripping yourself up enough already.
- Treat It Like a Normal Breakup even though you never said the words and talked it through. This may give you some closure. Stop thinking about them coming back because it holds up your happiness with the right person. They are gone and not coming back. Even if they did, you couldn’t trust them emotionally or build a life. They really did you a favor.
- Move On It’s them and not you. You can have a normal relationship with the next person so don’t let it hang over your head or feel you have an invisible sign that says something is wrong with you. Don’t sweat it and wonder if you can have a normal relationship. Just go for it. There is no reason you can’t have happiness with the next person.
Susan Trombetti is a leading celebrity matchmaker, relationship expert and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. Susan is also a sought out relationship investigator with experience in tracking, data analysis and lying detection techniques.